Dang old chimp. Hell no.

Just a quick question. Do chimps freak you out? I mean, monkeys in general are weird. Like people, but way more rude. They do some stuff the way we do, like grabbing a carrot. But a chimp might stick it up his ass, pull it out and take a bite anyway.  They have those giant teeth and are like twenty times as strong as people. They say they are smart, too, but compared to what? Sure, that astro-chimp did math and so forth, but didn’t they give him little pellets for doing things right? How smart is that to get paid in food? I tell you this, if somebody tried to pay me for going up in a rocket for even a half hour, he’d better give me more than a sandwich.

The more I think about this, the weirder it gets. Chimps wear diapers and their clothes never fit. Plus they got hands twice. No feet at all, just a double set of hands. They smile and have little heads, but man they freak me out.

And I don’t even want to know how they smell. Hell no.