I Got To Thinking About Benny

ff_santoshwriter-1

 

I remember how Benny and me would get under the blanket draped over the chairs and watch a DVD. “Fort Blanket,” he called it. Wayne, let’s go to Fort Blanket. I’d pop a bag of corn if there was any. We didn’t have much to choose from in the movie department. Barney, which we both hated. The Reanimator, which I loved but Benny was too scared to watch all the way through. His favorite was A Bug’s Life, especially how that little ant made a tiny telescope from a dew drop and a rolled-up leaf.

I miss him so much.

 

17 thoughts on “I Got To Thinking About Benny

  1. Good work, Randy. The memories are palatable.

    One nit–It should be “I” instead of “me” in the first sentence since “Barney and I” function as the subject of the dependent clause “how Barney and I would get . . .”

    Nice job nonetheless.

    Cheers!
    MG

    • Any grammatical inconsistency is deliberate and is designed to convey a specific voice, especially with the first person POV. Also true of unorthodox sentence structure. I dislike dialect, so I try to imply a character’s background by using other means. Thanks for reading.

      • If I may–and I only do this when I like a concept–I would then like to encourage you to rewrite it in a stronger voice that has more than one grammatical error. As it stands, it looks like an oversight or laziness. A little time on this good story will make it great.

        All my best,
        MG

        • It’s a hundred word exercise, so I won’t rewrite it. Sorry you feel that way. I disagree. I think it’s wholly authentic for a pre-teen narrator would use “Benny and me.” Anything stronger would be over the top.

  2. Lovely piece. Detail reminded me of my own children snuggling down in home-made tents and my daughter remembered that dew drop telescope. Full of warmth and the sadness of loss.

  3. Simple but really honest writing here. I note you’ve said earlier Benny is fiction – you managed to make him feel real in a few short words. Great stuff.
    KT

Whatever.